Those Days Lost
by fooboo24
Summary: "I'm sorry, Mrs. Mustang, but the miscarriage has rendered you unable to have children." Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye, Royai. Takes place after Promised Day. For taylortot124.
1. Part 1

~P~

_Those Days Lost_

~P~

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_"I'm sorry, Mrs. Mustang, but the miscarriage has rendered you unable to have children."_

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Roy Mustang wasn't quite sure when it started – but one day, as he sat in his office and looked up at his wife as she entered the room, he realized that he wanted a family. He eventually concluded that it was seeing how happy Edward and Winry were with their son and daughter, how the two blonde bundles seemed to light up Fullmetal's face, and the General knew that he wanted to share that same joy and love with his own brood, too.

The Flame Alchemist had never opposed the idea of children, but he had certainly never had time to think about having them seriously until a few years ago – until after the happenings of the Promised Day. During those days, his mind was constantly abuzz with dangerous possibilities and risky situations and honestly, he didn't want to bring up a baby in the country that Amestris had been before Father had been taken down.

But now the thought of a holding a little Mustang in his arms and being a father was quickly shaping itself into a goal, a desire, not unlike his planned reform for the country. He grew an attachment to the idea, letting it linger and grow each day in his mind. A contented life with the woman he loved and a baby to call their own was no longer a laughable, unattainable daydream for the man who wished it so – it was something that could become a reality, all he had to was ask if his wife wanted the same thing.

The pair – Roy and Riza Mustang – had only been married for a year, but were more than prepared for the responsibility a family needed to function. What the couple had had been growing, building for years before they had signed the papers that officially made them husband and wife was now alive and present – their bond had been battered and beaten again and again, and while they had been forced to put what they felt aside for years and to not acknowledge it with much difficulty, all that mattered now was that at the end of the day, they were with each other and could kiss, touch, taste, and love without anything holding them back. No longer did the military's fraternization laws get in the way or their dangerous lifestyles – so why not? They were in love and they had a solid future ahead of them – they had no reason to wait any longer!

And so one day, Roy did what he was meaning to for months.

"Do you want have a baby?" His tone was clear and his eyes bright, his enthusiasm evident.

The question had come out of nowhere and taken Riza by surprise – it was nearing the end of the day, the sun setting and casting a warm glow through the large windows of Roy's office, and she wasn't prepared for such a sudden inquiry. The Colonel blinked down at her husband, wondering if she had heard him right. "A... baby?" she reiterated uncertainly, and she watched him nod at her.

"That's what I said – a baby." He leaned back in his chair and peered up at her with those ridiculously dark eyes of his, so wide and full of warmth as he asked her again, this time slower, forcing down his excitement. "Riza, I've been thinking about this – seriously thinking about this – for a while now. And I've been wondering if you would like for us to... well, start a family."

Riza swallowed – a baby. A child. If she was being honest, it was a possibility that had swept itself into her mind once or twice in the duration of their relationship – being a mother was something she felt like she could handle if it ever happened. And now that she was being asked outright about her late night musings, she realized just how easily becoming one could be. It was all a matter of her own input in the decision that her husband had clearly thought about thoroughly himself.

Roy watched as she bit her lip and suddenly, all of his eagerness plummeted in his stomach and he began to fret – what if he had been reading her the wrong way? What if she didn't and he had just backed her into a corner? It wasn't something they had ever discussed amongst themselves, as they were too preoccupied with other things, but when he saw her holding little Sara Elric, the twinkle in Riza's eyes was unmistakable. She wanted it, too. He just knew it.

"H-honestly," she began, her voice shaking with the anticipation of her answer. Roy leaned forward, waiting patiently for her response. Tucking a loose hair behind her ear, a small smile stretched across her face and she nodded. "Yes. Yes, I would love to start a family with you, Roy." The thought of bringing another human being into the world, while terrifying, fascinated Riza and she was ready to take on the role of providing for it.

The Flame Alchemist swore his heart could have burst out of his chest right there in that moment – jumping up from his chair, he embraced his wife and grinned widely, unable to contain himself any longer. Blood was rushing in his ears and his elation was making him faint, but he didn't care, for Riza had just confirmed his suspicions – that yes, they were ready to become parents and welcome a baby into their world. After so long of it just being the two of them – damn near twenty years – they were ready for an addition. Capturing her lips in his, he translated his joy into a fervent kiss, one that left the woman breathless when she pulled away. Giving her another brilliant smile that made her chest swell, he leaned his forehead against hers and whispered, his voice brimming with jubilation, "We're going to have a baby. We're going to be parents." Roy could already feel an enormous love for the currently non-existent child rooting deeply in the depths of his mind and heart and he wasn't about to stop it from growing. He was ready to be a father, and he was welcoming that fact with open arms.

Riza laughed lightly at him, but could feel her own excitement welling up inside her – she could just imagine a little baby with her eyes and Roy's hair, squeaking and babbling nonsense as its parents held it proudly, so relieved to have finally met him or her."Not quite yet, General. There's still the matter of the child coming into existence before we can say those words. But we can worry about that later." At this, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his nose, but when she was about to turn away, he grabbed and held her hips against him.

Giving her a wink, he peeled back the fabric of her uniform and skin-tight shirt with his fingers and nipped at her pulse point. "Why wait?" he breathed huskily, sending shivers down her spine. "When it can happen now? The sooner, the better..." At this, he kissed further up and down her neck and smirked when he felt Riza's back relax against his chest. Both of them still had paperwork to do – but if Roy had anything to do about it, none of it would be getting done that evening. "C'mon..." He kissed higher this time, his lips landing on her jaw.

Riza's fingernails dug into her palms as she tried to resist her husband's advances – it could wait until they were home, couldn't it? – but felt her resolve slipping quickly, and before she knew it, she was turned around and fisting his uniform as she placed her mouth firmly against his. Roy groaned at the action, his hands cupping her hips as he leaned back on his desk and returned it. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to try," she murmured in his ear, allowing him to shudder and pull off her blue jacket, her lips instantly attaching to his own throat.

Roy smiled and held her closer – if they kept this up, it would only be a matter of time, he noted to himself cheekily.

~P~

The pair welcomed the idea of parenthood openly, but did not force it. The baby would be conceived when nature decided it was time, and so they went with along with it, brimming with the knowledge that it could have happened already and neither would have been the wiser.

But both had to admit it was just a bit deterring when it turned out that she wasn't in fact pregnant – their hearts deflated slightly when they found out, but they didn't let it affect them for long before they had brushed it off and were trying again, ever eager for the day when a false alarm wouldn't be so anymore and they finally had real, physical proof to look forward to.

Visits to and from the Elrics didn't help their baby fever – Roy would watch how his wife would cuddle Ed's baby girl, how she would murmur soft words to the precious blonde child and rock her into a slumber when Winry was too tired to. The Flame Alchemist couldn't help but imagine Riza doing the same thing, holding and loving, their own little baby girl each night – every time he thought of it, he was filled with an indescribable amount of emotion for both the woman he loved and the child they would come to love.

Riza saw the abounding love Roy expressed when he would play with little Claus, too. How the almighty Flame Alchemist would revert into a childish demeanour with the Elric boy and how he would explain alchemy to the child as if he could understand the complexity of the concept yet. His eagerness to share his knowledge was endearing and heartwarming to the woman.

But each time the pair and the children were torn apart by the miles between them – with promises to see each other again soon – they were left with the a sinking feeling in their stomach, with the knowledge that they were missing out. Because even though Ed would complain about his son's curiosity and constant questions some days, everyone knew he loved him unconditionally, and while Winry hated how she could never get a consistent week of sleep courtesy of Sara, it was all worth it to her when her daughter would sigh against her chest and nod off peacefully. To put it simply, the Mustangs were envious – they wanted what the Elrics had, but not temporarily during visits, all the time with their own bundle of joy.

And even though it took a few more frustrating months, one day, a glimpse of a future with one of their own finally presented itself.

"Roy."

Her voice was calm as it travelled down the hallway and into their bedroom, and he didn't pay it any mind, instead flipping to the next page of his book. But Riza's voice spoke his name again, this time more urgently than the last.

"_Roy_."

"Mhm?" he offered back sleepily, "what is it?"

"Come here."

"Riza, it's—"

"Roy Mustang!"

The Flame Alchemist frowned – he was comfortable where he was, and was looking forward to dozing off while reading – before hefting himself out of his position and trudging to the room Riza's voice was coming from: the bathroom. Riza blinked up at him, her eyes shining and wide, but the raven-haired man didn't understand. "Yes?"

"I'm late, Roy."

The General rubbed his eye, yawned, and leaned against the doorway, not understanding Riza's words. "And?"

Riza's bright-eyed look fell, and crossing her arms, she said bluntly, "I'm pregnant. O-or at least, I think I am." She waited for the realization to penetrate her husband's foggy mind, and when it did, when what she said finally registered, he nearly lost his balance before a goofy grin stretched across his features.

Scooping her up in his arms and kissing her hair, he said loudly, as if to reassure himself that it was now a reality, "We're having a baby. You're pregnant. We're having a _baby_." Each time he said it, his smile grew larger and larger, and his chest swelled. Placing her down, his hand immediately found its way to her stomach, searching for the life he so desperately wanted to meet and Riza laughed. "I-I'm going to be a father – you're going to be a mom. We're going to parents." It then hit him all over again, this time more intensely than before. "Holy shit, Riza, we're going to be parents!" Though the shock was evident in his voice, the enthusiasm and excitement were just as distinguishable.

Riza watched as he affectionately stroked the skin of her belly, but not having the heart to burst his bubble then by telling him that there wouldn't be any proof for a few months to come, placed her hands on top of his and rubbed her thumbs over the skin. "Yes," she agreed softly, tears unconsciously building in her eyes, "we are."

Roy looked up at her then, and extended his arm and caught a tear before it could fall. "Hey," he pulled her closer and allowed for her to bury her face in the crook of his neck. "What's wrong?"

Riza was quiet for a few moments before answering. "I'm just so happy, Roy," she answered honestly, wiping away a stray tear. She gave him a smile then, reflecting the warmth spreading through her body and her hands squeezed his. "I can't think of a time when I've ever felt this... well, _happy_." There was no other word to describe it – she was just happy.

The Flame Alchemist blinked at the blonde woman in his arms, whose face was the perfection contradiction as she beamed at him with tears falling profusely from her amber eyes. He swallowed – because if he was being truthful, he couldn't think of a one, either. He was just so content with his life right then, in that moment, and this baby was just going to make it all the better. Roy responded by giving her a matching smile, before leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers in a gentle, light kiss. Pulling his hands through her hair, he whispered against her mouth with a crooked grin, "I guess we'll have to start reading up, then."

"Trade in the alchemy books for the baby books, Mister Mustang," she answered back, smirking a bit at her joke. Pulling away from his embrace, she held her hands to her stomach again. "Because we're having a baby!" At this, she threw her arms around his neck, mirroring his same enthusiasm from just moments before. Roy caught his wife with ease and allowed her excitement to seep into him – her voice was music to his ears! Now all they had to was play the waiting game and soon, they would be holding their very own little baby Mustang.

~P~

"Hi, Sara," Riza cooed at the child in her arms, causing the one-year-old to shake her fists and let out a high pitched squeal. The Colonel smiled at the baby, before bumping noses with her and holding her snuggly against her chest, where she peered up at her aunt with wide, blue eyes. The soon-to-be mother continued to fuss with the Elric child, who basked in the attention she was receiving.

Roy watched from across the room – he was standing beside Al, who was explaining alkahestry to his older brother. But he could barely pay attention to the wealth of Xingese knowledge, his gaze instead transfixed on his wife as she cuddled with Sara. Four months pregnant, and to the Flame Alchemist, Riza Mustang was positively glowing. He wanted to go and see her, but not wanting to intrude on her moment with Sara, stayed put and instead admired her from afar. Roy then smirked to himself as he was reminded of his late best friend in that moment, whom he seemed to becoming more and more like each day, though he figured he was only just beginning to understand the pride of becoming a parent.

Across from Riza, in front of the blazing fire, sat Claus, who was switching between playing with a toy train set he had received as an early Christmas gift and an alchemy book that he was pretending to read intensely. It didn't take long for the three-year-old to get bored with these activities, but when he looked around for someone to receive attention from, no one was readily available. His father was chatting away animatedly with his uncles and his mother was toying with his Aunt May's hair while sipping at a dark red liquid he knew only adults were allowed to drink. His golden eyes continued to scan the room until the fell on the two people occupying the sofa across from the Christmas tree – his little sister and Aunt Riza. Sticking out his lip in a pout – why should Sara get all the attention? – he marched over to the pair and crawled into the seat next to the Colonel with much difficulty.

"Claus," Riza readjusted Sara against her shoulder and smiled warmly at the little boy. The little blonde baby in her arms was beginning to doze off, her face pressed into Riza's red sweater, and so she could give him the attention she knew he wanted. "Are you excited for Christmas?"

"Yep," he nodded his head eagerly, his messy, blonde hair bobbing about as he did so. "I'm going to get a bunch of presents – I just know it. I hope they're alchwemical books!" Riza had to suppress a laugh at how he pronounced alchemical – he had never quite gotten the word down, and it never failed to make Riza smile when he said it.

"I'm sure you will," she reached over and wrapped an arm around him invitingly, pulling him against her warm body which he leaned against gratefully. She watched his eyelids lower and then snap back open, so clearly fighting the sleep his baby sister had already succumbed to. Riza was about to open her mouth to keep the conversation going with Claus, but Sara began to make a face of discomfort and so she directed her attention to the baby. Claus's gold eyes followed Riza's movements as she shushed and rocked the baby in her left arm, before falling down again. This time, though, his eyes caught something that he knew for a fact had not been there the last time he had seen her. "Auntie Riza," he began then, his natural curiosity overtaking him as he shifted and raised a hand to point at the round spot where her flat stomach was supposed to be. "What is that?" His poked the bump and waited impatiently for an answer to his question.

Riza blinked at him, and after making sure Sara was okay, smiled down at him. "This," she placed a hand on her stomach, "is a baby, Claus."

The Elric boy looked at Riza like she was insane and crinkled his nose. "No, Sara's a baby," he explained slowly, as if she didn't already know. "This—" He poked it again, "is a ball. Or something. I don't know."

Riza's smile grew as she further elaborated. "Well, you see, Claus, before a baby is born, they grow in their mother. You were too young to remember it, but your sister was once like this, too, as were you."

Claus narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you sure?" Riza nodded. "Well, then how did they get there in the first place? Babies don't just happen."

Riza's eyes widened a bit – she wasn't quite prepared to get into a talk like this with an overly curious three-year-old. So instead, she took his little hand and placed it on her slightly swollen stomach. "Here," she offered instead of an answer to his question. "Wait and feel. Maybe it'll move or even kick – though that doesn't happen very often right now."

Claus looked terrified. "Kick!? Does it hurt? That's not very nice of the baby!"

Riza let a short giggle leave her lips, despite the fact that she could have outright laughed at the little boy's words then. "It can hurt, later on, when the baby's even bigger. But usually, they're just small, gentle ones – sometimes I don't even know they happen at all. Also, sometimes other people can feel them, too."

Claus's mouth was about to the open to ask another question when he felt something move – just the slightest of actions – beneath his hand, and he froze. It happened again, and his eyes widened comically. "A-Auntie Riza!" he exclaimed a few seconds later, a grin adorning his miniature features. "I felt it! I felt the baby!"

Riza returned the smile. "I told you." Before she knew it then, the little boy was leaning forward, placing the side of his face against her stomach. "Claus, honey, what are you doing?" The last person who had done such a thing was her husband.

"Trying to hear her," he explained to her matter-of-factly. "Maybe she'll mumble like Sara does."

Riza kept quiet then instead of trying to correct him, taking in Claus's adorable, pinched expression as he focussed all of his attention on picking up even the tiniest noise. When a few moments passed, she spoke again. "So you've decided it's a girl, then?"

"Of course," he smiled. "I can tell these things."

Riza's eyes softened at this, and she leaned over with a bit of difficulty and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Then I'll believe you that I'm having a little girl." Up until that moment, she and Roy had been universally referring to the baby as an 'it' – but giving it a gender, however uncertain the guess might be, was something Riza found she liked better. Calling her baby a 'she' was much more pleasant than calling the child an 'it', in her mind.

Roy continued to watch his wife – now joined by the first Elric child – on the sofa, her words of explanation to the little boy only soft murmurings to the man. When she began to ruffle his hair and Claus let out a little laugh before pressing his head to her tummy again, the Flame Alchemist took this as his cue to visit her for the first time that evening. Excusing himself from the one-sided conversation between Ed and Al, Roy set down his wine glass and made his way across the room before sitting next to Riza and smiling down at his 'nephew'.

"Hey, kiddo," he grinned at the boy, who returned it – the spitting image of his loudmouthed father, he was. Claus was more thoughtful than Fullmetal, but had a temper that could match Edward's any day. "What are you doing here with your aunt?" he asked casually, looking up at his wife with half-lidded eyes filled with warmth. Reaching over, he placed his hand over the one of hers that was resting on her rounded belly, rubbing the fabric of her sweater lovingly and receiving a smile.

"Listening for the baby girl," he told Roy.

"Girl, huh?" he looked up at Riza, who smiled and nodded.

"Claus deduced that we're having a daughter," she explained, and the little boy in question nodded proudly.

"I like that sound of that," Roy said, his other hand wrapping around the torso of the blonde boy so that he would not fall off of the sofa from his spot between the two parents-to-be. Blinking down at Claus, he then asked, "So have you heard anything yet?"

"Nope," Claus answered with a frown, but then a toothy grin replaced it nearly instantaneously. "But I did feel her kick!" Roy looked from Claus to Riza then, only narrowly avoiding leaning over and giving his wife an affectionate kiss. He remembered when she had excitedly called him the first time she had felt their child move, as nearly untraceable the action had been – Roy couldn't stop staring at her stomach, waiting, waiting, waiting for each little action the baby would make in her womb.

"We remember when you used to kick your mother," Roy recalled then, patting the boy on the head. "You used to be a feisty little guy – you still are."

Though Claus did not understand the word that Roy had used to describe him, he saw a smile stretch on Riza's face and decided that it must have been a good thing, and so grinned back. "I bet that—" Claus paused and then his eyes lit up, and Riza bent forward, hissing as the child moved within her and pain shot through her abdomen. Roy immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders and turned to her.

"Are you all right?" his voice was overly frantic, overly doting. He looked her up and down, assessing her over and over again as he waited for an answer.

"I-I'm fine," Riza placed a hand on Roy's shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. "It was just—I'm fine." The Flame Alchemist remained tensed, but when her eyes softened, he relaxed. Claus still had his face pressed to her rounded abdomen, his face shining brilliantly.

"That was even bigger than last time!" he cried enthusiastically, "she kicked me right in the face!" Roy and Riza blinked at each other, before bursting out laughing, though Riza tried to contain herself for Sara's sake.

The evening easily transcended into night from there, with the other guests at the Elric residence – along with the Elrics themselves – getting tipsier and tipsier with their wine while Riza and Roy gladly continued to entertain little Claus. However, the time came when the little blonde boy could no longer resist the exhaustion his body was feeling, his eyes drooping like his sister's had with large, long yawns escaping his mouth. When he began to drift asleep against Riza's stomach, Roy shook his shoulder a bit and smiled. "Claus, I think we should get you to bed, you look like you're falling asleep."

The toddler tried to protest, but instead another obnoxiously loud yawn left his mouth and his argument fell flat. Taking him in his arms, Roy stood and then proceeded to offer a hand to Riza, who took it gratefully. The pair informed Winry that they were going to put her children to bed, who accepted the help with many thank yous as they walked up the stairs to Claus and Sara's rooms.

It didn't even take getting halfway up the staircase before Claus was snoring softly against Roy's shoulder, and he smiled at his wife before continuing on to the boy's room. The blonde Colonel watched as he peered at the boy snoozing on his arm, how soft his expression was as he adjusted his hold on the small child.

She waited at the door of Claus's room as Roy gently laid the Elric down and tucked him in, before returning to her so that Sara could be put to bed next. The pair slowly made their way across the hall to the room across from her brother's, and opened it to Winry and Ed's bedroom, a crib set up on the other side of the expanse. Roy followed his wife into the room, and stood beside her as she cradled the baby for a few more seconds before reluctantly placing her down into the bassinet. As Sara was pulled from her comfortable, warm spot against Riza's shoulder, she began to fuss, her lower lip sticking out in a pout not unlike her father's. Not wanting her to start crying, Riza retracted her back against her chest, slowly rocking her back and forth while humming nonsensically. Roy watched her in appreciation, before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Eventually, Sara's upset gurgling ceased, and with as little movement as possible, Riza pulled her away from her again and gently set her into the crib.

The pair did not exit the room immediately, though, instead peering down at the precious baby before them, fidgeting cutely in her sleep. Roy let out a low chuckle when Sara kicked her leg, letting his hand find Riza's protruding belly again and holding it against it. "I can't wait," he admitted easily, "just five more months and this will be something we're doing every day."

Riza nodded, leaning into him and sighing when his left hand dug into the tense muscle of her shoulder. She had been stiff all week that they had been visiting the Elrics, so his ministrations were not unappreciated. Turning so that he was facing her, Roy leaned forward and kissed her, his hand travelling into her hair. Pressing his palm against her stomach again, he pulled away and mumbled, "I love you. Both of you."

Riza leaned forward and stole a soft kiss before uttering the same words. "I love both of you, too. So, so much, Roy." At this, the Flame Alchemist leaned forward and placed his lips just under her ear, which elicited a moan from her before he gripped her hips and allowed his fingers to travel under the fabric of her shirt. "We should take this away from the baby," she murmured, already stepping away so that they could continue the actions in their bedroom, which gained a protesting whine from her husband, who followed her regardless.

As they approached their door, Roy continued to plant kisses and bruising nips up Riza's neck, and when they finally entered the room and were alone, his hands immediately went to work trying to remove her red sweater. The General nearly had the top off of her when a knock was heard at their door, soft and small. Both froze, deciding that if it was an adult, they would eventually get the clue and leave them be. But when the same knock resounded a few moments later, Roy reluctantly allowed Riza to crawl out from beneath him and yank her sweater down, smoothing her frazzled hair as she answered the door. The person she was presented with was not who she was expecting at all.

"Claus?"

Roy sat up and blinked at the door, and indeed, the little blonde boy stood there, favourite blanket in one hand while the other rubbed furiously at an eye. He continued to stare at the child, who peered up at Riza.

"Auntie," he began, "I can't sleep."

"Aw, honey, what is it?" she bent down to his height, only to be enveloped in a hug by the boy. Riza was taken aback, but didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him and close the door as she brought him over to their bed. Roy grumbled a bit, but when he saw the distressed look on Claus's face, he reached out and squeezed the toddler's hand as his wife continued to hold him.

"I... just..." Claus tried to explain his predicament, but could not find it in himself to.

"It's okay, Claus," Riza smoothed back his hair, "you can tell us."

"I just had a bad dream," he said in a rush, feeling his cheeks burn. Roy was once again surprised by how much he looked like Fullmetal – he was even as prideful as his father was. "A-and I was wondering if I could stay with you guys... because you're going to bed already and my mommy and daddy are still downstairs..." Claus trailed, looking at the ground.

Roy, already having given up on returning to his previous actions with his wife, nodded at the little boy and grinned. "Of course, you can. We wouldn't want you getting a bad sleep and being grumpy in the morning."

"I'm not grumpy!" Claus protested, but before he could do so any further he was laid down by Riza, who placed a comforting kiss on his forehead.

"Now that's enough," she said firmly, laying down next to the small boy and looping her arms around him again. Claus scrambled closer to Riza and fisted his hands in her sweater and buried his face in her chest.

"This way, too, Auntie, I can even keep the baby safe," he said happily, and Riza felt his small fingers tickle at her abdomen. Riza smiled and nodded.

"Both you and your uncle."

Roy stood then and turned off the light of their room, moonlight filtering through the window to his left instead. Removing his socks, the Flame Alchemist was about to crawl behind Riza so that he could wrap his arms around her, but when she gave him a look, he sighed, smiled tiredly and instead placed himself on the opposite side of Claus. Reaching over, Roy found that he could still embrace his wife even with a developing baby and three year old between them. Pressing his face into his pillow, the General mumbled, "Goodnight, you three," while his hand ran down Riza's arm, across her stomach, and on Claus's shoulder before returning to its original spot around Riza's midsection.

"'Night, Uncle. 'Night, Auntie. 'Night, baby," Claus patted Riza's stomach gently, before finally nodding off again, his snores just as light as before.

Riza waited a few moments before responding to their words, instead smiling to herself as they did so. Leaning over, she placed another kiss on Claus's forehead and kissed her palm and pressed it to Roy's cheek, before feeling her own eyelids begin to flutter shut and the blackness of sleep overtake her consciousness. Her body relaxing into the soft mattress and warm, welcoming embrace of her husband, Riza finally allowed herself to drift off into her own peaceful slumber.

~P~

_End of Part One_

~P~


	2. Part 2

~P~

_Those Days Lost - **Part 2**_

~P~

Neither could have predicted the events that would take place after the Mustangs' cheery holiday visit. All seemed well for the first few days back in Central – Roy cooed over the life within his wife and Riza read extensively on childbirth. Everything was so peaceful, so normal for the expecting couple and they were so blissfully ignorant and unprepared for the moment that would scar and mock them for years to come.

It started with light bleeding – something they had both been informed was perfectly natural and shouldn't be paid too much attention to. But when Riza began experiencing cramps, which ranged from mild to crippling, and fainting spells from severe fevers that left her bedridden for days on end Roy knew that something was wrong – the sinking feeling his stomach was warning enough as he watched her helplessly – but she would always reassure that she was feeling fine, when she clearly wasn't. When she thought he wasn't observing her, he found her face contorting into that of fear, because she could feel it, too. And one night, all of the anxiety and dread that had collected between them finally spilled over the edges.

"I'm scared."

It wasn't something he had heard from her since they were in Ishval, and for such words to come from someone who was usually so reserved and strong – from the person who was his wife – made it that much more distressing. Placing his book – _Preparations of Parenthood _– aside, he placed his hand on hers and squeezed it. When he looked over at her, her head was bowed and her eyes shut, hiding their despaired depths from his. Her hand was held possessively to her stomach, as if this sole action would help prevent what both were so scared was happening.

Roy didn't like lying, but he knew that Riza needed reassurance right then, just as he did. Pulling her against his chest, he murmured, "I-I am, too. But so far – everything's going well. She's still here with us, Riza, and right now that's all that matters." He didn't want to dwell on the scenario of losing their baby, so he quickly finished speaking and proceeded to press his face into her hair, trying his best to ward off all grave thoughts assaulting his mind.

"I know," she responded a few minutes later, biting her lip and leaning her forehead against his bare shoulder. "But still, I-I... Roy, I can't. I can't lose her." She snuggled closer to him as her voice dropped several octaves. "I've always been able to protect those around me I love – she is no different. I want to be able to hold her and keep her safe, but I can't—"

"No buts," Roy cut her off then, pressing his lips against hers. "Don't think like that, Riza. In five months, she'll be here and you can do just that. Nothing's going to happen, nothing is going to happen." But even in that moment, the Flame Alchemist knew he was trying to convince himself, too. Slinking down into their bed, he reached over and turned their light off, leaving the room suspended in silence and darkness before he turned to her and embraced her.

He did not speak any further as he felt a wetness against his chest, tears falling across Riza's cheeks. He hated seeing the woman he loved feeling so lost and helpless in a situation neither of them could control, but not knowing what else to do, placed another sweet kiss on her lips and moved his fingers across the exposed, swollen skin of her abdomen. The growing bump was proof to him that for now, all was still going according to plan, and that their suspicions were fortunately wrong. As he drifted off into restless sleep, though, pleasant dreams that were once filled with future events with their daughter were replaced with days spent soundlessly weeping, of a crib that was never used, a small room left empty.

He wasn't even aware he was crying until Riza reached up and wiped a tear away, a sad smile – one he never wanted to see on her face again – adorning her features.

~P~

Their world came crashing down around them a week later, when Roy received a call from Riza, her voice quiet, tight, and controlled, despite the overwhelming grief threatening to escape her throat in the form of a sob.

"Roy, you need to come home."

The General paused, his gloved grip tightening on the phone in his hand. "What happened? What happened to you?" He was frantic, desperate for an answer, but her tone remained bland, emotionless, belying of everything she truly felt.

"Just... come home. P-please."

And all it took was that slight tremor in her voice, and he was bolting out of his chair and giving his subordinates some half-assed answer as he left. He made the trip home in half its regular time, and came flying through their front door with nothing but the intent to find and be with his wife, his heart racing and blood rushing in his ears.

He found Riza crumpled on the floor beside their bed, one hand clutching her nightgown with a shaking fist and the other cast across her eyes, doing a poor job of preventing the tears from falling down her face. Black Hayate sat in front of her, pawing at his master and whining. Instantaneously, Roy was at her side, eyes wide as he gently gripped her arm and pulled it away so he could look at her. However, the woman could not bring herself to look in her husband's eyes, so she evaded his gaze by turning to face the wall.

Stomach plummeting, Roy whispered, begged, "Don't do this. _Please, _look at me, Riza. _Please_." He almost wanted her to explain to him what had happened, but it was clear to the Flame Alchemist what had occurred, even though a small part of his mind was still denying the possibility of it, and he did not want her reliving it through painful words and so kept quiet.

Despite his pleas, Riza didn't turn to him, for she couldn't face him, not after what had happened, not after losing _her_. Instead she bit her lip and crouched even further away from the man, intending to make herself as physically small as possible so she could match how vulnerable she felt emotionally. Feeling his chest constrict as she turned away him, he hesitantly raised a hand to squeeze her shoulder, and in a low, broken voice, pleaded, "Talk to me, look at me, please..." Hearing the desperation in his voice made for the dam in Riza's eyes to break again - because he was suffering, _too_, she realized - and with new tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to him again and pressed her face into the crook of his neck and allowed an audible sob to escape her lips as his hands lifted and encircled her closer to him. Her smaller frame shook violently against his, her forehead burning and her mind fogged with excess information, while he kept his eyes squeezed shut, afraid that the tears bubbling and stinging at the back of them might spill over if he opened them to look down at her. But that couldn't happen – no, he needed to be strong for her, for both of them in that situation, despite how much he wanted to cry right alongside her. It was difficult, though, to listen to the woman he loved so dearly cry so uninhibitedly, sounding so heartbroken and lost, all the while unable to comfort her the way he wished he could without being reduced into his own emotional mess. He heard Hayate whimper from his side, his hand involuntarily stretching out to stroke the dog's fur so as to at least calm one being down.

When Roy was sure hours had passed and Hayate had wandered off, Riza's sobs softened into frustrated weeping, her fingers curled into the fabric of his uniform and she looked up at him with wide, puffy eyes. "She's gone, Roy, s-she's... _gone_." And though he already knew, could already tell by her seemingly endless tears, his stomach still dropped at hearing her words, twisting until he felt sick and his heart stopped and then restarted with a painful thump that resounded in his ears. A breath wheezed from his lungs at her confirmation, before he could no longer hold back his own emotions and a tear fell from his dark eye and down his cheek. Their baby was gone, their daughter was gone – and just like that, the bright future that had been so seemingly close for the happy couple crumbled right in the Flame Alchemist's mind. There would be no naming of the child, no holding her late into the night, no watching her grow up in life... no nothing. All of it had been washed away by those few simple, devastating words.

Riza gave her husband the same respect he had bestowed upon her – the time he needed to process and comprehend what she had just told him, to register the sadness that would knot his insides. She was surprised when his hand reached up and found hers instead, though, actively and immediately searching for the comfort she had originally rejected. Riza squeezed his hand in response, blinking away the liquid building along her waterline before raising her arms around his neck and enveloping him in a much-needed embrace. Roy instantaneously returned the hug, his own arms wrapping around her waist and holding her closely, finally permitting his tears to fall continuously and without restraint.

"I'm sorry," she cried into his chest, his shirt damp from the tears shed there. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect her like I should have – I'm sorry she's still not here with us, R-Roy." Her stomach twisted violently at this wrongful reminder, and wishing it out of her mind once again, she fisted her hands in his shirt again and shook her head furiously.

Roy froze at her words, before taking her arms and pulling her away slightly. Eyes wide and honest, he told her firmly, "Don't you _ever _say that about yourself, Riza. W-we couldn't have foreseen this, we couldn't have prevented this... this is in no way whatsoever your fault." Bringing her close again, he pressed his mouth to her ear and whispered weakly, "It isn't your fault. You're not to blame, so please don't think that way." His voice became more and more uncontrolled and pleading as he spoke – he needed her to understand that it wasn't by her hand that they had lost their child, that she was not the cause of the reason she was no longer there, that mother had not ended child.

Riza futilely attempted to quell the flow of tears by palming at her eyes, but they came steadily again at her husband's words, so soft, so desperate for her comprehension. But she couldn't bring herself to believe him – for if she had maybe looked after herself better, maybe if she had been a bit more careful, who was to say that their baby wouldn't still be there with them? Since the moment hours before that the traumatizing realization had hit her, that the defining event had occurred, a need to place blame on someone had been growing in her mind and heart and who else could she pick to burden the fault of the loss than herself? Crumpling against the Flame Alchemist again, Riza gave him the small murmur of acknowledgement, but not agreement, that she knew he wanted, knowing he was much too distracted and distraught to think too deeply about her response. Roy's hand ran up and down her spine in an attempt to bring comfort to them both, before he suddenly gathered her up and stood slowly, bringing both of them into a sitting position on their bed.

As time stayed suspended around the broken couple, they inched further and further down onto the mattress until they were lying down completely, still clutching to each other, both on the brink of another emotional breakdown. When Roy felt a short puff of breath of Riza's hit his lips, his heavy eyes fluttered open and blinked down at the drifting woman. His hands ran along her sides but instinctively avoided her stomach, his eyes following this example and remaining on her face. As her breathing became shallow and she descended into sleep, her husband studied her expression, her eyebrows drawn together in distress, her cheeks tear-stained and a scowl lining her pink lips. A long sigh escaped Roy's mouth as he raised a hand and brushed his thumb over her cheekbones, involuntarily catching a final tear running from her closed eyes. His chest felt paradoxically heavy and empty with a grief he knew they were both only at the beginning of comprehending, but as his own eyelids began to droop and his mind fogged with the beginnings of much-needed rest, he knew that overanalyzing would do neither of them any good and so he allowed the blackness of sleep to consume his sorrow-filled system.

~P~

The pair woke up several hours after they usually did the next day, the environment around them immediately becoming tense as the feeling of loss and remembrance of the night before overcame them. Words were not spoken between the couple, instead only communicating through brief, gentle touches and broken gazes at each other. But as the day pressed on – and Roy monotonously and with much difficulty reminding his wife of a doctor's appointment they had scheduled for that day – did the General's emotional wall of quietness dissolve and give way to a growing need to give Riza the comfort he knew she so desperately sought. If any other person saw the Colonel, then they might think that she was just being cold and distant as a coping mechanism, but Roy knew better – he knew that she was truthfully just stewing in her own guilt and this was a dangerous thing for her to be doing. But even though he knew this, he couldn't bring himself to break her little bubble of seclusion as the day progressed, because while he knew what he suspected was more than likely true, that she also naturally needed to be alone, that she needed to be able to come to terms with their loss on her own and that no level of interference from her husband would help this along. And though he understood the requirement to be left by her lonesome – for he had to admit it took several hours of uninhibited tears in his office to fully acknowledge it himself – it killed him inside when he accidentally walked in on her silently sobbing to herself in their bedroom and he had to walk away, unable to help her with her own personal acceptance of the situation.

The trip to the doctor was quiet and strained, so many things needing to be said but remaining unspoken between them. Listening to Riza explain what had happened to Doctor Baumer – watching the emotions pass through her eyes while she resisted crying – was painfully vivid and difficult for the Flame Alchemist, and he knew even worse for her, the memories replaying over and over again in her mind. When a few tests were done and confirmed what they already knew, too, it was no easier than hearing it the first few times. "Your child is no longer there," Baumer had told them with a regretful, sad tone in his voice, his words only being received with sombre nods from the once-expecting parents.

Further inspections were conducted on Riza to validate her health, with their doctor taking into consideration the abdominal pains she had experienced and the wild fevers that accompanied them. But instead of being told they could leave as expected, that despite the emotional devastation, that she was fine physically, they were asked to stay even longer, their short appointment being stretched out into several long, tense hours. And when they were joined by Baumer in the small medical room a time later, while worried, they were not prepared for the utter shattering of their hope that would follow with his unfortunate news.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Mustang, but the miscarriage has rendered you unable to have children."

If the night before Riza's world had stopped, now it came crashing down around her, her lungs being robbed off all the oxygen they possessed and her heart stopping dead in her chest, her mind unable to understand the words her practitioner had spoken. Roy blinked, his own mind in chaos, at the grim-faced older man before him, unsure if he had heard his doctor properly. But as Baumer caught his dark eye and then cast his gaze to the floor, his words rung through his ears, halting all thought process. _Unable to have children_ – it was something he could barely wrap his head around. A miscarriage he could, as much as he hated to, but the complete and utter inability to produce a baby baffled, frightened the man, and when he looked down at his wife, he knew the same fear and incomprehension was flashing through her. But as quickly as the confusion passed through her eyes, so did the sheer heartbreak, indescribable anguish and her face fell into her hands, trying futilely to relieve her system of the pain building inside without physically expressing it. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder and trying to regain his train of thought, Roy shook his head in denial, all while his lips moved to form one word: _How?_

Baumer sighed, unable to look either of them in the eye as he spoke – he'd never been good with the emotional aspect of being a doctor. "I... I'll be more specific," he started, voice whispering and low. "After analyzing your symptoms during the pregnancy and before conception, Mrs. Mustang, I've come to the conclusion that you had the beginning of a potentially dangerous condition – which is an explanation as to conceiving was such a hassle in the first place. But unfortunately, the condition has... progressed significantly because we did not catch it as quickly as we could have, and it has led to permanent scarring on your reproductive organs. This scarring was present before your pregnancy – it caused you to lightly bleed and led to an infection, and when you became pregnant it irritated the infection, making for you to bleed more severely. This heavy bleeding led to your unfortunate miscarriage, with even more intense hemorrhaging occurring afterwards – this hemorrhaging has led to further scarring which consequently has made you infertile... With... with the amount of scarring you have on such sensitive organs, Mrs. Mustang, it would be difficult or nearly impossible to become pregnant again, and even if you did, it would be much too dangerous for both you and the foetus and a miscarriage could be expected again if this did so occur." Letting a long sigh fall from his lips, Baumer sat up straighter but still avoided eye contact with Roy. "I... I am deeply sorry for your losses, both of you." And at this, he stood and made his way to the door of the small room and excused himself, leaving the shaken couple to sort out their feelings about the mess of a situation they were in.

Roy's arm pulled her into his chest, waiting for an explosion of emotion that would result in his own feelings brimming over, but instead, she looked up at him with sad, wide eyes, tears only trickling out, and in a soft whisper, said, "Please take me home." She couldn't cry there, she wouldn't cry there – she needed the privacy of her own home with her husband by her side to vent, not a stuffy office where things could get carried away.

Roy could barely hear her words through the blood rushing in his ears, but nodding in response as he came to understand her reasoning, but not saying a word for fear if he spoke he would burst at the seams, he took her hand and led her out of the small room slowly, watching as she bit back further tears and wiped at the ones still falling off her chin. Riza could feel her husband's eyes on her, but she refused to make eye contact until it was just the two of them, alone. Only then would she express the crippling, debilitating pain deep within her chest, made by the loss of a child she would never meet.

The Flame Alchemist quietly conversed with Doctor Baumer, getting instructions and a small collection of medication for Riza to take. The older man made sure to stress that Riza get as much bed rest as possible, and that she be allowed to vent as openly as she pleased so as to relieve the build up of grief – Baumer also added, as the couple turned to leave, that Roy should take the same emotional measures.

The ride was much tenser than the first drive, with Roy so unfocussed he could barely navigate the vehicle as he listened to Riza's sniffles as she waited ever so patiently until they arrived home so she could finally allow herself to convey how utterly devastated she felt. When they entered their house, they made their way to their bedroom slowly, together, hand in hand. Riza sat herself on their bed when they came to the space, her hands folded and her mouth in a firm, tight line, still not able to find it in herself to let go, to accept what they had been told. The fact that up until just two days ago, the entire situation had been completely different for the pair was astounding to her and being forced to grasp a new perspective of it was not working well with her. Roy kept a slight distance from her, leaning against the wall and staring down at her until the moment he knew she wouldn't be able to keep it in any longer and they would both gain reprieve from being their controlled, regular selves. It did not take much longer for Riza's eyes to bubble with tears of confusion and anger, and pounding a fist into the soft quilt of their bed, finally allowed the tears to fall down her face and a strangled noise to leave her throat. Hatred towards herself flooded and poisoned her mind – their baby, their future was gone and it was all because of her and her carelessness. Her supposed inability to properly protect herself and her baby swirled in her mind, reminding her over and over again at her failure of being a proficient parent and causing another choking sob to leave her lips.

Her broken actions triggered her husband into gear as he made his way over to her, instinctively enveloping her in a hug and burying his face in her neck, water building in his own eyes at hearing her cry. Riza didn't understand how he could stand to hold her, touch her, look at her after what she had done, but even as disgusted with herself as she was, she couldn't help but lean into his embrace.

Nothing was said between the two as they clutched at each other, though so much needed to be said but at the same time, words were no longer needed as the situation had been made as clear as possible – both knew what had happened and there were no ifs, ands or buts about it. As painful as it was, everything was jarringly understandable to them now and nothing either of them could say could lessen the blow of what they felt.

The pair did not gain the escape of sleep that night, too overcome with rushing thoughts and swelling emotions. So when it came to the point where neither could cry any longer, they held each other for comfort, deep into the night and early into the hours of the morning.

~P~

The days that followed after the devastating news were slow and odd for the couple. Roy immediately acknowledged how quiet and reclusive his wife became, and while Baumer had explained to him that emotional withdrawal was a perfectly natural for someone who had suffered such a loss, the Flame Alchemist knew that Riza was not acting normally – for no woman who had lost her child would become so apathetic, so seemingly bored so quickly. But that was just what she was, acting as if nothing had happened, void of emotion, and while it perplexed and worried him, he kept quiet, knowing that despite her behaviour, she was still sensitive about the miscarriage and that she just might have been dealing with it differently than him.

But Riza's oddness – her overall quietness – towards the situation only continued for weeks to follow, and Roy still failed to understand why she was acting so distantly. Why didn't she cry or speak about it? Why did she act like nothing traumatizing had occurred at all? He didn't know – and it genuinely scared him.

Her apathy became too much for him to bare any longer when they ended up telling Winry and Edward of the news and when they expressed their shared sadness and apologies for the loss, all Riza could do was nod and smile sadly. Roy was at the tipping point – how could she receive such words without a glassy look in her eyes? No, how _dare_ she act in such a way when he was going through the same emotional trauma, as well? How dare she pretend when he needed her to be there for him, too? And that was when he decided that the game needed to end – he was going to talk to her and finally get the truth out of her, for he knew that she was only keeping a facade, that there was no way that she could be so indifferent towards losing her very child.

His desperation to speak and clarify things with his wife only increased when one night, he witnessed he suspicions being proved correct – that it was all a lie, all an act:

Roy walked towards the small seating room the Elrics had on their second floor – it was an ungodly hour, and while he had left Riza to her own devices a while beforehand with the expectation she would join him soon, he could no longer take her absence beside him in their bed and so went to look for her. But just as he was about to turn in the dark hallway to enter the room she was in, he was stopped by a familiar, small voice that he knew didn't belong to the woman he loved.

"Why are you so sad, Auntie? What's wrong? I don't know and I don't like seeing you like this!" Claus's voice became more and more strained the longer he talked, his distress at Riza's despondent condition quite evident. Roy stepped forward ever so slightly and peered around the corner, just barely catching the sight of his wife sitting in the blackness of night with the toddler perched on her lap.

Riza blinked down at the blonde child but did not give him an immediate answer, which caused for him to scoot closer and wrap his hands into little fists in her shirt. All weekend, Claus had watched a certain sadness pass through the amber eyes of his Aunt, and after being rejected for an answer as to why by both his parents, he had decided to go directly to her. He knew that it had something to do with the baby – for when he looked at his Auntie Riza there was no longer a bump where her stomach was and she no longer spoke happily about the arrival – but he did not know why it was gone. All Claus knew was that he hated seeing her so quiet – unlike his Uncle Roy whom he'd seen cry twice already – and if anything, the boy wanted to bring her comfort even if he didn't receive the answer he originally came for. "Oh, Claus," she said after a few long beats, smoothing back his blonde bangs and drawing him closer. "It's nothing, really, sweetie. I'm fine – don't worry about me." But as the Elric boy peered up at her, catching the tremble in her voice and then the shininess of her eyes, he knew better than to listen to her words in that moment and so threw his arms around her in a tight hug.

Riza was surprised by the action, but nonetheless reciprocated it, wrapping her own around him and holding him. Roy blinked, his chest aching at the tragic sight, and felt his eyes prick with tears as he watched them begin to cascade out of Riza's eyes, one by one, the first ones she had shed seemingly in weeks. And it was in that moment that he knew that he had to confront her as soon as possible, so she no longer suffered silently.

Roy didn't have the slightest clue as to going about bringing up such a sensitive subject to her – all he knew was that it had to be done. But as more days passed without him speaking a word to her about it, his anxiety over the topic grew and grew, until one night, he couldn't take it any longer.

"Why have you been hiding from me?"

Riza paused, her heart skipping a beat at his accusatory tone. Steadying her suddenly shaking breath, she looked away from him and returned to chopping the tomatoes in front of her nonchalantly, as if what he was trying to discuss was a casual matter. "What are you talking about?" she asked, it having taken everything in her to keep her voice from wavering and admitting it all right then and there. The guilt had been eating away at her for so long but she thought she had been doing such a splendid job keeping her distress, her inner hurt at bay – but apparently she hadn't put on a good enough act, or her husband wouldn't be addressing her with such a worried ring in his voice.

"Riza," he turned to her and crossed his arms, his voice holding a warning tone. He was not willing to play this game any longer – things needed to get sorted out once and for all right then and there. "Don't play this with me. Please, just explain to me why you've been so reserved lately. Why can't we just—"

"There's nothing to explain!" Riza snapped, her brows furrowed in an uncharacteristic scowl directed towards her husband. "I'm fine, so why poke and prod and make me angry, Roy?" The Flame Alchemist's eyes were wide as he stared at her – never had his wife been known to be so easily irritable; she was normally calm and collected, and her off behaviour only served to provide further evidence for his knowledge of her inner feelings. Blinking to clear his confusion, he sighed and made his way over to her, touching her arm lightly.

"Please," he started again, "it's okay to vent, Riza. It's allowed – it won't make you weak to admit that you're still hurt over this. And keeping it in isn't healthy anyway, you know that..." He felt his chest begin to swell when she raised her hand to touch his, but his hope deflated violently when she threw his hand away from her upper arm and she took a few steps away from him, wrapping her own arms around her.

"I told you," she spoke again, trying to bring the same force into her voice as before but failing, it coming out as a harsh whisper instead. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and allowed her fingers to dig into the skin of her arm. "There's _nothing _to say. I... I'm fine."

And it was that hesitance in her words and that third refusal that finally made Roy's control break down – he couldn't do this anymore! "I can't believe you!" he growled, surprised by the ferocity in his accusatory tone. Riza whipped around and faced him with disbelieving eyes at his unexpected response and stared at him. "I can't believe that you – the least self-centered person I've ever known – would act so selfishly! I can understand a few weeks of this – but it's been damn near three months of this infuriating silence, this goddamned emotional wall between us and I can't take it anymore, Riza!"

Riza blinked incredulously at him. "What did you say?"

"You heard me!" he slammed his fist into the palm of his hand, days' worth of annoyance culminating into a thoroughly fed up man. "We were_ both_ affected by losing her! She was my child, too – and for some reason you've seemed to have forgotten that. How is it fair to me? How is it fair that you just get to play like you're over it and I get hurt by myself? Because of your feigned indifference I have to deal with this alone, because the only other person who understands what I'm feeling is acting like it never happened in the first place!" Roy's chest was heaving as he finished shouting, his voice growing hoarser as he felt tears sting at the back of his eyes. The flood of emotions he was expressing was a weight off his shoulders and now that he had started venting, he knew there was no going back – he was going to say everything he felt right then and there regardless of what she wanted.

He watched as Riza's eyes flashed at his calling out her act – that her indifference was just as he had said, fake. Feeling the need to protect her pride, her own emotions, she crossed her arms and looked away. "How do you know that I'm pretending? H-how do you know I haven't already gotten over it?"

Roy knew better than to admit that he had accidentally overheard her with Claus, instead outstretching his arms and walking to her, his voice soft and undemanding. "We've been together for years, Riza – I know you inside and out, as you do me. I know better than force myself to accept that you're okay – even if that's what you want, I can't do that because I know you're not." Taking a cautious step closer to her, when she didn't back away, he took another one until he was directly in front of her, his hand gently gripping her arm and bringing her closer again. "I'm confused by your behaviour and I'm worried because I care about you – because I love you." At this, he folded his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, glad when she didn't resist the action.

It didn't take long for him to yank himself away though – for a short while later, he felt an all-too-familiar wetness on his shirt and he pulled away out of concern at her tears. Eyes softening as her hands curled into the fabric of his shirt, he tightened his grip on her and whispered in her ear, "So, please tell me... what's wrong?" He was desperate – he needed to know, he needed this game between them to end once and for all.

"It's all my fault," she choked out, and he froze at her words, his stomach churning sickeningly. "I couldn't protect her, Roy, I couldn't protect her! And now our chances of ever starting a family are gone – and I'm so sorry!" And suddenly all of her quietness and indifference became clear to him, only making him feel worse – she had been silently brewing over placing the blame on herself, going about each day convincing herself that she was the cause of the situation, poisoning her ability to have a clear perception and wallowing in her emotions until she felt utterly awful.

He became aware of a sagging weight in his arms as he came down from his realization, only to find Riza shaking in his arms, her knees unable to support the combined burden of her emotional distress and physical exhaustion at the situation. A weakness abruptly overcame the Flame Alchemist then too, and without any resistance, the pair sank to the floor, still holding each other. Riza turned away from him as grief consumed her and she buried her face in her hands, try futilely to quell her tears. Roy had his own face pressed into her back, the liquid from his eyes wetting her shirt as he tugged her closer. He could faintly hear her muttering nonsense to him – "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh God, I'm so sorry..." – and when another choked sob left her throat, he reached up and smoothed back her hair, stroking her cheek. "Riza... Riza, it's not your fault. Shhh. It's not your fault." He didn't know how much more he could emphasize this to her, to get her to see the truth – that it wasn't, by any means, her doing.

Riza slammed a fist into the floor in response, and a new rush of tears left her eyes, though this time she let them fall freely. "I couldn't save her! She was ours and I couldn't even say her!" At her harsh accusation at herself, she felt Roy's hand snake up to find and intertwine with hers, squeezing it. "What does that say about me? That I couldn't even be strong enough to protect our baby, Roy?"

"It says nothing about you because it _wasn't your fault_ – please, please stop blaming yourself. I-I hate seeing you like this..." he begged, turning her in his arms so that she was facing him. Riza blinked, tears still spilling out of the corner of her eyes, and she looked up at him. The heartbroken look was too much for her husband to take, and so he did the first thing that came to his mind – he leaned forward and kissed her, more gently than he had in months. He could taste the salt from her tears on her lips, which only encouraged him to convey even more into the lip lock. Riza was surprised by his action, but easily succumbed to the numbing, distracting kiss, returning it as she fisted his shirt in her furiously shaking hands.

When they pulled away, Riza gave a shuddering exhalation before her breath began to even out, though her tears continued steadily, prompting for the General to raise his hand and wipe them away with the pad of his thumb. His fingers skimming her cheekbones, an affectionate action she leaned into, he whispered, "I love you, Riza, and I want you to know that I've never blamed you for what happened – because it was never your fault to begin with. And I want you to know both of those things – I need you to realize them now more than ever."

And as she stared into his eyes – painfully wide and pleading – she felt her chest swell with the smallest inklings of belief in his words. That maybe – just _maybe _– he was right, that she wasn't the cause and that she wasn't to blame. That she wasn't the sole reason they would never experience a family. Roy watched as the slightest bit of acceptance passed through her amber pupils, before flicking away her tears again and placing his lips firmly on hers for a second time. Just the littlest bit of comprehension on her part made his heart lighten considerably, relief flooding his system – because as long as she generally understood the importance of not blaming herself, then they could both work towards wholeheartedly accepting the loss later on, together. Pulling back, he murmured against her lips, "Thank you..." before kissing her again, and Riza sighed into him with a small, sad smile – because she knew that no matter what, he would always be there for her. Through thick and thin, they would endure together, and come out stronger on the other side. And now was no different for them.

~P~

Their recovery was slow and careful process, composed of random emotional breakdowns and quiet nights. The pair would clearly communicate everything felt between them – they didn't want to repeat the fight they had had in the kitchen, and with this came relief of such a dramatic build up of emotions on Riza. She began to smile more, albeit sadly, and relax as the days progressed, no longer caught up on the self-placed blame.

Simply put – both began to learn to live, happily, contentedly again. It didn't matter what it would take, they would get through it as best they could.

There were still times that Riza would lie awake in her bed, her husband snoring away beside her, when she would feel an aching in her chest, a longing for a future she would never know, a pit of emptiness in her stomach as she missed the child she never got to meet. But she would not let her sadness overcome her any longer – instead, she would turn her head and her amber eyes would land on the form of her husband, strong and near, and she would be immediately reminded that despite what happened, that he would always be there for her, always love her unconditionally and that ultimately, she would be all right if he was with her. She hoped that he understood the extent of her gratitude for having him in her life every day. And it was in those moments that she would cuddle close and smile genuinely for the briefest of seconds before drifting off with him.

It was not long before the days and weeks collected together, and before either of them knew it, six months had passed – half a year since they were excitedly expecting a baby, half a year since their plans in life were radically different that what they were in that moment. Riza voiced her saddened realization of this fact early in the afternoon of no particular day – they were simply sitting on their sofa, soaking up the time they were spending together when she spoke her mind.

"Just think – so much would different right now if... if it had happened." The weight of what she said hit her in that moment – if everything had gone according to plan, they would be holding their very own baby right then and there. Roy looked at his wife with slightly widened eyes, before they softened and he offered her sad, small smile.

"You're right," he nodded, before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his chest. He refused to succumb to the sadness that was trying to claim his heart. "But... let's not dwell on that. Let's... let's just be content with what we have right now. Let us be content with the peace we have together." He squeezed her hand then, silently asking her not to focus on their loss. Riza blinked up at him and noticing his expression, returned his smile and leaned into his warm embrace, her answer clear and Roy sighed, pressing his face into her hair and closing his eyes.

So there they sat, gently murmuring amongst themselves, one Mustang short of what they ought to be. And despite the sorrow that still tinged their hearts from time to time threatening to try to overtake them in that moment, they resisted, the warmth of their bond, their trust in each other warding off their shared grief. Because they could still be happy, they could still heal and move on – together, as two people who suffered a mutual loss, but more importantly as two equals who loved each other, never willing to leave the other behind.

~P~

_End_

~P~


End file.
